Here I am again. Writing to no one for no reason. Without talent or skill or initiative, mortal and a sinner. I write cynically and with arrogance. When I talk I talk and not listen. I wait for you to finish and my turn to talk instead of really hearing what you are saying. I like to do just like the rest, I like my sugar sweet. If you meet me have some sympathy and some taste. I have principles and not morals. I listen to music and I lie. I am flawed but not as much as everyone else. I once met someone famous. I am a modern man. I will show the world I am unique and great and different, just like everyone else. I am intelligent and strong. I think and feel but on a deeper level than you. I know hard times. I have idiosyncrasies and I read up on current events. I am aware of that, and I know I can tell that joke better than you but I have enough tact not to say so. I'm Henry the VII I am. I am the walrus. I have a conspiracy theory, I vote. I am just like you and him and her. I am alive and a societarian. I make a moderate salary and have good tastes and recognize quality. I have a divorced wife and 2.5 kids. I mix up stalagmite and stalactite. I can't dance, sing or paint. I can balance a check book. I hate crime and am pro-something. I want to save the environment in the NIMBY sense. I can upload and downgrade, I can emphasize and procrastinate. I go to bed at 10:00 and wake up at 6:00. I work from 8:00 to 5:00. I buy from this brand and watch my porn from that site. I have 2 cups of coffee daily and 2 shots of something heavy on Friday and Monday. I can run but don't like to. I do what I do and live like I am told to.

I'm claustrophobic, I do not wan't school to start with the same ferocity that John Birch wanted all communists to die painful, slow deaths. I feel as if I need to do something. AND GOD DAMN IT I WILL. I WILL NOT HAVE THIS SHORT SUMMER END IN FUCKING REGRET AND BOREDOM. As I have always said, "some people are born with talent and others are not, those who are not have 2 options.....give up OR go find talent, beat the SHIT out of it and become great anyway". So I will become buff. This is meant to be serious. I have less than 30 days but I will have a six pack. This may seem good enough but one look at me will reveal I do not seem buffable. I'm not obese or anything it's just people seem to like me better the less muscular I am. It would appear as if I don't have the genes to be fit. Just like how some people look better with glasses, the general consensus is I would look better the farther from shape I am. well all I have to say to that is: FUCK YOU. I love to run because I think it's fun. According to Webster, this is the definition of insanity. But I love to jog and sprint and go the extra thousand miles in the bitter cold with ankle weights in waist deep water while dragging a fully loaded semi. It's fun. However, for the last 4 months I have been unallowed to run due to medical complications. That is now over. So I plan to burn all my fat and replace it with solid unbreakable titanium. I am going to kill society's hold on me and become the metaphorical offspring of Tyler Durden and King Leonidas.

All The President's Men

As I sit here I am vibrating uncontrollably from the 6.5 cups of coffee I have just gulped down that were spiked with methamphetamines. Not to mention the 35 energy drinks, but after 2 or 3 I have hit the max amount of craziness a person can achieve, the other 32-33 just kind of fizzle out. In fact it has taken me less than half a second to type this far. So as this highly abnormal buzz is rattling my thought patterns, I might as well rant about something no one will read or care about. TRICKY DICK.


Who is your favorite president?


Why that would have to be Nixon.

Yes I think Nixon was a great president, no I am not a republican, I am a johnist. Here are my reasons

EPA

Women's Rights

I don't know, maybe the whole INTEGRATION thing.

The ERA (Equal rights Amendment)

Abortion

Nasa

Clean Air and Water Acts

These are the pro's. Now for the cons:  

Leaving the gold standard

Watergate

Okay, let's review. President Richard Milhous Nixon made amazing progress for the environment and civil rights.  He saw to legalized abortion and NASA. He was a little paranoid of communists, marijuana and political assignation attempts on his life. He believed everyone and everybody was out to get him. This obviously does not excuse, but does explain, some of his actions. He had some weird conspiracy theories involving Jewish people, ivy leaguers, and his cabinet. Also, on Watergate: this was illegal because the patriot act hadn't been passed yet. If he had come along later, or if he was a little more shrewd, It would have been considered a legitimate means of protecting the nation.  I don't advocate the scandal, but today that kind of thing is A-okay. He is definitely not the worse president that has wormed his way into the power seat of the nation. Now everyone points to Lincoln and the Roosevelts as political and more ballsy superiors .They would be right, but do not forget FDR came up with the insane idea of "deficit spending" aka money we don't have. Also FDR is responsible for the worst act in American history: The Federal Reserve. You can officially blame all of your problems on this. And do not forget executive order 9066. Franklin Delano Roosevelt got a lot done in office but he still made some outrageous mistakes and ran the country like a dictatorship for awhile.  Now my other favorite presidents would be the bad asses like:

 Andrew Jackson,

 who got in more duels than imaginable, gave speeches with bullets in him, charged an armed man with his cane, he won. He also said "I have only two regrets in life: I didn't shoot Henry Clay and I didn't hang Calhoun."

JFK,

okay, everyone thinks Clinton was cool for the whole secretary sex thing. However, Kennedy once said "I cannot be satisfied with less than 3 women a day", not like this is the makings of a good president, but still. JFK's sexual conquests are rumored to have included Marilyn Monroe, Audrey Hepburn, Jayne Mansfield, Angie Dickinson and some foreign actresses. In the Navy. Kennedy's boat was ripped in two by a Japanese attack ship. Despite back injuries, Kennedy managed to swim four hours to safety while towing an injured crewman by the life jacket strap with his teeth. Yes, his teeth. Not to mention the unbelievable "Fuck  Off" to the USSR when they set Cuba up with nuclear warheads and claimed they were crazy enough to do it. JFK played the most crazy game of chicken in history. He won. 

TEDDY

Teddy Roosevelt was a great president and an all time bad ass. He kept a pet bear and lion in the white house which he used for negations and interrogations. He was shot on his way to a speech and gave the speech anyway while the blood flowed out of the wound where the bullet still resided, he was brought to the hospital after he signed a few autographs. Charging hills and running marathons at 55. A great soldier and martial artist and boxer. I feel sorry for San Juan hill.  Quick sand got caught in him. He discovered a river in the Amazon and hunted lions with a knife in Africa. A knife. He died peacefully in his sleep because, according to Vice President Thomas Marshall, "Death had to take him sleeping, for if Roosevelt had been awake there would have been a fight".

On a side note: Quincy Adams swam the width of the Potomac every morning naked at the age of 58 and had a pet alligator.

Aphasia

85% of all Americans believe they could write a bestselling book if they had the time. 2% do.

 Good, everyone likes an odd statistic. Here's another:
 96.5% of all statistics are made up on the spot, and 19.7% of all people believe them whether they are accurate statistics or not.


I have no idea where this odd notion that everyone can be an author came from, but I bet you think you can do it.....I know for darn sure I think I can.  Most people also believe themselves to be extremely intelligent. If you don't believe me ask anyone randomly, "are you smart?", everyone says yes. Ask the same person how many other people they believe to be as smart as they are. The usual  response is usually "a few" or a "couple", maybe a "handful". If asked for a rough statistic, they say 5%. This is an average. Your average person claims to be bad at math and have a great vocabulary or visa versa. So I composed this test to see just how smart you are. Be honest, no search engines please. Try to finish it in under a minute , it is strictly mental. No paper, just go through it quickly.

 If you get more than half right quit your day job and sign up for NASA. 


What does Aphasia mean?


Who was the first impeached President? (of the United States)


Who is the current prime minister of England?


When is it called England, and when is it called Great Britain? What about the U.K.?


Did I spell "assasinate" correctly?


Is my punctuation correct in #4?


45% of 67?


18 times 4.5?


How many questions are we at?


Capital of Iraq?


Most common character/story in all collective movies?


Translate "chronically unlucky" into any language officially recognized by the U.N


Translate this page into either binary, html or javascript. 


What did Charles Derudio do?


Most watched sport in the U.S?


Most watched sport internationally?


What percentage of Americans think they can write a best selling book?


Why is it called America?


In the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, is "Hanging" a verb or an adjective, or both, and if both what do you call it?


"old man in a base" is an anagram for which famous religious extremist? 


8.66717860986349085 is what classification of number?


Obviously I am not hitting all topics, but it is an overall test for simple knowledge.
Here are the answers:

loss of understanding of language, Andrew Johnson, David Cameron, England is the country itself-Great Britain refers to the actual name of the island-U.K refers to the countries in the area that signed the "act of union" in 1536 and later, no-2 sets of double s's, no comma needed before the word "and", 30.15, 81, 7, Tehran, Robin Hood:156 movies and counting, schlemiel in Yiddish-although any will work, just asking if you could-it would take more than a minute to do, to much to type-look here, Football, Futbol (soccer), 85%, Amerigo Vespucci hit Brazil in 1500 AD in the name of Spain and published his exploration, the first to do so in regard to the new continent-So the map taker took the female version of his first name, better than Vespucciland, Christopherton or  Columbusville. Its both, a participle. Osama Bin Laden (or "bold mean Asian"), irrational. 


This is not proof you are not intelligent, but a reality check. 90% of people will get 1 or less right. 5% will get all of them correct. I bet you are somewhere in the middle, I know I was, I had to look up some of these after writing them.  It is also possible you are an expert in ancient extinct insects and have an I.Q of 200+ but got all of these wrong. Counterwise you could know nothing but a little bit of trivia and by pure luck got them all right. I just wanted to make a point. Every person is your superior in some way, and you can learn from him. 

Hello, Welcome To Life

I express my deepest regrets for not having introduced myself properly, I am John Smith. No, not really, but I was told by someone long ago and far away, that putting your real identity on the internet was a bad thing. She (or he) was very vague as to why it was bad or what the consequences were. However he (or she), made it very clear it was an incredibly bad thing to do, and since I, John  B. Smith, am not the most versed in these matters, decided to take her word for it.  So for your sake or mine, I do not know which, I will refer to myself as Mr. Smith for I am pretty sure I am male, and doubt that that information could have any possible negative implications. I am not like the Mr. Smith from the Matrix however. It is true I am cynical, cruel, manipulative and slightly insane, but I lack the intimidation........that was a joke, haha. Okay, back to me. I have recently graduated from the second grade and enjoy the pleasures of literature and music. I specifically enjoy the ballads of Mr. Dylan, Bob Dylan that is. In fact I am currently listening to Highway 61 at 2,000+ decibels in my wonderfully small apartment over looking nowhere. My hobbies enjoy causing people to experience aphasia, which is a great word to break the ice at parties, or the windows. I am depressed, not like you or anyone else cares. I will be maintaining this blog as a new way to distract me from the nuisances of existence. previously I was addicted to several video games, but no more. Now I plan to workout, paint, read and blog. I like to run and can do a mile in a pretty decent time. Unfortunately I have gone soft since I found out my right leg is longer than my left. Apparently this is bad for running. So I must wait until the guy with the degree fixes it. Until then I am gaining fat. I am also plagued by insomnia.....................................................

Okay enough of my problems, I will be posting about life the universe and everything here. Mostly best of the web and my two cents worth. Except I generally charge 12$ for my thoughts so you are very lucky to get it here for free.........I highly doubt anybody here will read anything from this site. In fact I'll bet money on it. I might get one creepy stalker from Iowa, but probably no one else. This is mostly for my benefit, and will be more used as a tool to sharpen my writing skillz then as a public reading hotspot. For now I most go, I bid thee farewell you nonexistent reader.

North Korea

So......I was just wondering, have you ever heard of Kim Jong II? That crazy short piece of cellulite that runs North Korea (here is a link to their wonderfully propaganda filled website) who plays God? I have a picture with him here in case you are unfamiliar with "him".

(I added a magnified image in case you cant quite make him out, I know its a small picture but I went for a flattering one)

If I seem a little harsh against  Kim, it would probably be because he likes to run over clergy members with a steam roller. On more light hearted note, bordering comical, North K asked china for aid in 2005 and China sent N.K several trains fully loaded with medical supplies and food. The People's Republic gratefully took the supplies........and the trains. They sent back the Chinese train operators walking on foot. They still have the trains insisting that it was part of the aid program. China denies this. However, perhaps I have no place criticizing the good old DPR. I mean they are ranked the second happiest place in the world after all. With China being number 1. I believe Iran and Kazakhstan rank highly to.  Oddly enough South Korea is second to last with Uncle Sam's home land being the most desolate and miserable place to inhabit. Of course North Korea made the list up themselves but I think it would be an incredibly outrageous step to call this propaganda. Obviously real research went into this, because IF it was propaganda wouldn't North Korea put themselves on top? Nah, this has to be legit. So everyone pack up and let's go move to China, Iran, and North Korea. The Happy Lands.